England v Australia Rugby Jokes
Question: How do you lose a wallaby?
Answer: Fit a Stirling Mortlock.
Question: What’s the difference between a Wallaby and a teabag?
Answer: A teabag stays in the cup longer!
Question: Why do the Wallabies differ from a woman’s bra?
Answer: They have lots of support, but no cup.
And here’s a longer one for you…
Before the Rugby World Cup Quarter-Final between England and Australia, kindergarten teacher Bronwyn tells her class she’s a BIG Wallabies fan. She’s really excited about the upcoming match and asks he kids if they’ll be supporting the Wallabies too.
Everyone wants to impress the teacher, so they all say they will, except for one boy named Charles.
The teacher looks surprised at Charles and says, “Charles…you’re WON’T be supporting the Wallabies?”
He says, “No way, I’m a huge England fan!”
She says, “Why do you support England and not Austrlia?”
Charles says, “My mum is English, and so is my dad, so I support England.”
The teacher’s not very happy with that explanation…..and she gets a little annoyed with young Charles.
She says, “Well, if your mums an idiot, and your dads a moron, then what would you be?!”
Charles says, “Well, then I’d support Australia.”
Not the best jokes, but obvious nonetheless. Feel free to add your own in the comments section at the bottom of this page.
It’s all in good jest – and in no way do I want to add to the ‘hate’ which was voiced before the Rugby World Cup 2007 Quarter Final…
Also see the latest post on the forthcoming England v France semi-final.
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The australian post office will have to recall all of the latest stamps featuring assie rugby players because the public can`t decide which side to spit on.
Good work pete.
[...] England v Australia Rugby Jokes (following the RWC Quarter Final) [...]
How are the Kiwis reducing their carbon footprint?
They’re dropping the Aussies off on their way home.
Other nation’s versions of the Haka
Seeing how the All Blacks were motivated by performing “The Haka” before their world cup games, the other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their own.
The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles for a while before moaning about how they invented the game, and gave it to the world, and how it’s not fair that everyone can beat them now.
The Scotland team will chant “You lookin’ at me Jimmy?” before smashing an Irn Bru bottle over their opponents heads.
The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents dressing room.
The Welsh suggestion has been vetoed by the RSPCA.
Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory claim it as their own “Las In-Goals-Areas” and then be forcibly removed by the Stewards.
Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important than the other thirteen whom they will coral between the posts while they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.
The Americans will not be there until half time. In future years they will alter the records to show that they were in fact the most important team in the tournament and Hollywood will make a film called “Saving No8 Lyle”.
Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marsaillaise and hold the rest of the side to ransom.
The Italian team will arrive in cars shaped like red dildos, sexually harass the female stewards and then run away.
The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch mow it and then claim that it was all in line with the European “grass quotas”. They will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time.
The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park trucks across the halfway line, let sheep lose in the opposition half and burn the officials.
The Australians will have a bar-b-que before negotiating lucrative singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite their mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush before beating up all the women on the touchline.
NICKED FROM THE MAGGOT WEB SITE
there is a man who has a serious problem with him so he decides to take a visit to the doctors.the doctor asks him whats the problem and the man goes. “well when i touch myself on the legs it HURTS! when i touch myself on the head it HURTS. when i touch myself on the arm it HURTS! the doctor goes theres no cure for a sore finger.
a banana takes a visist to the doctors and the doctors and the banana states he is not peeling well
there is a women and her husband died. she gets him cremated. the cremater asks would you like any nice box? she says no a plastic bag will be alright. she goes home with the plastic bag and puts the ashes on the bed. and starts blowing on them.the son walks in and asks what are you doing mummy? she goes your father has always wanted a blow job
a man has a stall on blackpool pier. he is selling rugby league balls.a rugby fan comes over and says “how much?” “2.99 for you sir he replies” “can i ahve a discount if i show you my special talent? “go on then” said the stall manager “ill close my eyes and you place a rugby ball in my hand and ill tell you which team its from” says the fan.
“orite try this one” says the man
“thats a hard,firm ball….Leeds Rhinos”
“correct” replies the man
“Now try this”
“Hmmm..Salford..” Says the fan
“WOW how did you know” says the man in amazment
“its going down” says the fan
Traveling in a train were a Wallaby, an All Black, a spectacular looking blonde and an older lady. After several minutes of the trip, the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, the Wallaby had a big red slap mark on his cheek.
(1) The blonde thought – “That horrible Wallaby wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the lady, who in turn must have slapped his face.”
(2) The older lady thought – “This dirty Wallaby laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him.”
(3) The Wallaby thought – “That bloody All Black put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me.”
(4) The All Black thought – “I hope there’s another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid Wallaby again.”
In 1983 3 kids were playing in the street in Sydney when they were hit by a train. They all go to heaven and God says to them, “You weren’t supposed to die, you were all supposed to live out your lives. This was not your time. To make it up to you, I’ll let you choose what you want to do with your life. Take a running jump off of that cloud over there, and as you’re flying back down to Earth, shout out what you want to do. And so it shall be.”
The 1st kid takes a running leap and shouts “Lawyer” and so, 20 years later, he is a very successful lawyer, making lots of money, with an upcoming appointment to the Bench.
The 2nd kid takes his turn and shouts “brain surgeon” and so, 20 years later, he is the most admired man in his field of medicine and making a ton of money saving lives.
The 3rd kid goes to take his turn, and as he runs he trips over his own feet and stumbles of the cloud muttering “stupid clumsy arsehole.” 20 years later, he’s playing the back line for the Wallabies.
hope u like the jokes
an englishman an irish man and an scotsman allwent to watch england v wales in the six nations semi-final and god appears infront of the englishman and said chuck the irishman into the scotsman and the englishman said fuck no
god then appears infront of the irishman and said the englishman had yama so the irishman chucked the englishman into the goal posts
and the scotsman said why did u do that and the irishman said he had my ma so the scotsman said he didnt but his dog did that was wot god ment but anyway god is me and the irishman said how the scotsman replied yama said that on the half time break in the english changing rooms
q. how do u gt a wallabe to play rugby
a.say there is a new zealand lamb running after him
How did the English Rugby team respond to Australia beating them in all sports?
They kept the tradition going.